It happens less often lately. It comes up in casual conversation and always catching me off guard. It’s taboo! Or is it. I think it’s not. It’s just life. Life for us anyway, living with bipolar and it’s many faces. People, we are all so different from each other. Some say, “I just want to be [normal].” Why? What in fact is so special about [normal]? That’s right! Nothing is special about normal! My daughter says she doesn’t want to be [special]. Oh but you are. You so very much are indeed. And with the utter HELL raising you has put me through..I wouldn’t change a thing about you. You, my darling daughter, you have awakened me in ways that never would’ve been possible without the trials of mothering you. And your life has burned a path for you and has been branded on the memories and imaginations of countless individuals all along your mere 19 years. With all the pain has come an intense joy and love that is indescribable. I have feared for you..I have feared from you. I have begged God to wrap His protective arms around you more times that I can begin to imagine.
I begin a casual conversation with someone. Then the topic comes up about family dynamics. The individual usually says something like, “I don’t speak much to my sister, she has bipolar disorder.” Or, “Our family struggles with dealing with my father’s depression.” Then I promptly tell them they are not alone. Every family has been touched in some way by some aspect of the psychiatric world even if medical treatment has never been sought. I tell them my story.
It goes something like this;
“I understand where you are coming from. My daughter was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 12. Up to that time and since, we have sought treatment for her. More specifically after the diagnosis, we found excellent, temporary residence care for her in order to fully understand her needs and for the specialist to determine the right combination of medication for her. In May of 2010, we had a major set back. Upon the undesired addition of a new boyfriend who was a few years older than our daughter and influencing her in very bad ways, she was Baker Acted into a mental health facility for a period of two weeks. She was at that time in extreme danger. And she was an extreme danger to her family. We were forced to take further measures to protect ourselves from her and the unwelcome influences she brought about. Upon her release two weeks later and at the tender age of seventeen, she ran away with the undesirable influence. We continued to work the “system” and to work with local law enforcement to regain physical custody of our daughter to no avail. The “system” was not set up at all to help parents. It was only set up to help children in abusive environments. She was treated as an adult at the age of seventeen and the boy flew under the laws for statutory rape due to his age being under the age of 24 in the state of Florida. This child today has been out of the diabolical grips of the disgusting boy for more than a year now. She is in college, and successfully holding down a job for almost one full year now. How you ask? What is the secret of her success? Of our success with her? I would hardly call it that at this point. There is still a long road ahead of us. She is still emotionally stunted a few years because of the trauma of her high school years. Bipolar Disorder is not the same twice. It manifests differently from person to person. With my daughter, little annoyances to you or me, well to her they are sirens and she constantly looks to quiet the noise in her head and focus on getting through the day. Getting through a class, holding onto her job, not making a cutting, out of nowhere comment to a friend.
I knew it to be so..long before a clinical psychologist sat me and my husband on his dark green, aged, leather sofa in his office in Atlanta, Georgia nearly seven years ago.
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