The age of innocence...

Greetings...I check in with you for the latest on Miss Lynn. She has now been back in her boarding school for 5 weeks. The new medication she started in May, "Abilify" was working very well over the summer, however, her psychiatrist was concerned that she had gained a whopping 12lbs since beginning the medication. This was over a 2-month period. This is record weight gain for Lynn. She has always been thin and has always had a very slow and steady growth pattern. It didn't occur to me that it might be a side effect of the new med even though I fully read all about it before agreeing to put her on it. !!! Why?!!! Why just when we think we have found something that will really make a difference even if it's just a small one, why does there ALWAYS need to be something to get in the way of that?! Her doctor was very concerned about the weight gain and wants to monitor her closely for continued weight gain. She must lose the weight by her next visit in October or he will take her off the medication. I am happy to report that she just called me yesterday and told me that she has lost 6lbs. Whew. I had a feeling that she had lost some weight because her class had a "mall trip" last weekend and I met her there. I bought her some new clothes and when she was trying them on, I could see that she looked more trim. You must understand that I am not one of those moms who is fanatical about my daughter's weight...this is only because we were so concerned that this medication would cause continual weight gain which could pose other problems for Lynn.

It is now November...we will need to re-evaluate Lynn's Bipolar meds on her next visit home. Since I have heard that Lithium is the proven drug of choice for Bipolars, I am going to discuss this option with her psychiatrist. She had a major manic episode last week that left all in her wake exhausted, confused and mostly deeply saddened. I cannot begin to describe the pain I feel as her mother. My heart was broken for her.

Having Lynn at a boarding school has allowed me to seperate my own emotions from these instances. I am able to gain so much perspective and I am now afforded the opportunity to show her my concern, support and love when these occur. When she is home, I am right in the middle of these storms and it becomes so personal. Lynn really needs her mother to be objective and loving...I am the only one who can be with all she goes through. She just told me that she doesn't know what she would do without me...that sometimes she really believes that I am the only one who loves her and understands her...Thank you Dear God in heaven for these little nuggets from this child! My heart swells with love for her when I receive the smallest hint of fragility. Life is so challenging with Lynn; I have heard it said that the children we weep for the most are the ones who bring us the greatest joys. I understand that statement so well. I worry, I get angry and frustrated; so scared, and through all the passion of those emotions there is this fragile little girl who is just as scared and frustrated. The break throughs are delicious nuggets of time that bring so much hope for the future.

She is coming home next week. We are all looking forward to the Christmas holiday and family time and traditions. Merry Christmas! Seasons Greetings!