Lynn is attending a boarding school this year. Hopefully she will return to this school next year as it has been a good experience for her...not "ideal" but it has certainly been the right thing for her. Lynn is extremely intelligent. She thrives in a very academic environment. She has difficulty relating to her peers. This year has been a trial in dealing with her peers. She has been somewhat unsuccessful with her fellow classmates. She has had repeated conflicts with male and female classmates. She has had two roommates ask to be removed from rooming with her. And that was all in the first term! Also, two dorm mothers have left although I can't blame that entirely on Lynn. Both dorm mothers have left offering advice about "what to do about Lynn" such as changing her medication, etc.
During the week leading up to Lynn's spring break, she went into fits of mania. She argued with her dorm mother and the prefect (a senior girl who has earned the special priviledge of living in the middle school girl dorm and supervising and directing them on their daily tasks) ultimately Lynn was put on "room restriction". She always had to have the last word mumbling just loud enough for them to hear the cutting remarks back to their direction. When put on "room restriction"..and mind you, she doesn't have a roommate because none of the other girls want to be in the same room with her, she went into her room and logged onto her Myspace account on her laptop and turned her music up on her stereo full blast. The dorm prefect calmly went into her room and removed her stereo and laptop.
Upon retrieving Lynn from school for spring break, the dorm mother and the dorm prefect proceeded to give me quite an earful about her antics.
During spring break, Lynn was fine for the most part...until the last day..she woke up and I immediately saw the dark cloud that decends upon my precious Lynn when she is entering what we know as a manic episode...it is a combination of mania and depression..gone is the sweet smiling face..gone is the youthful excitement for life and all the day holds. It starts with the dark expression, the slumped stature, the icy glare, the angry words..nothing pleases her, nothing is right..no reasoning one side or the other...everything is wrong and the world is her enemy. She is angry and she wants everyone around her to be angry...these are her words: "I feel anger. What you say and do makes me angry and I won't stop with my words and actions until everyone around me is also angry."
New medications: I worry, I HATE that she has to take any medications at all...I hate to think of what is doing to her body...I fear what she would be like if she wasn't taking these medications. She has already had very serious side effects to two of the medications we have tried her on. She didn't will this to happen to her..she didn't do something to bring it on. She can't help it but it is her reality and she must learn to understand it and live with it. I spoke with her clinical psychologist yesterday..I was worried for Lynn's future, she turns 14 on Saturday. I worry that I only have 4 years to help her before she is an adult and refuses the help. Her psychologist explained to me that with the current medications available Lynn should not have to suffer through manic "episodes". He further explained that we should manage her medication "aggressively" until we find the right combination for her. Lynn has the right to know life as a normal, function young lady. She has the right to be stable enough to make and KEEP friends. She has the right to live her life in this stability. She is a beautiful young lady with so much potential. Lynn is intelligent and she has a mind of her own. With the right combination of medications and regular therapy, Lynn is capable of so much.
As her mother, I spend many days in angst. Why?! Why Lynn?! I love her from the depths of my soul. I anguish over the medications, over her struggles...she takes her worst out on me..it is so hard sometimes to have the charity of heart to hang in here with her yet I love her so deeply I cannot for a minute let go because I know her vulnerabilities...the worry, the fears..I want to protect her but I want her to experience all that life has to offer her. She is so strong-willed, so independent yet so, so vulnerable. She is still a child and still so emotionally immature.
I pray the new medication does it's job without causing her any harm..time will tell...if this one doesn't help her..there is always another medication, and another possible side effect...
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